What would you do??? Vol. I

So here's the deal- Granted, everything went to shit but if you were in a relationship & it ended VERY bad, would you want anything that would remind you of the relationship? I've gotten rid of mostly everything yet there are a few entries on here that are about him & how "fabulous & fantastic" he is..... I want to delete them yet isnt the point of having a blog/

the results

on the way home from work yesterday, my father & i had a discussion about the election results. we're completely baffled at the results:


1- let me just say RIGHT NOW, i wasn't impressed with both candidates.... i mean, this is the best our country could come up with??? and now we have a man with the only experience of 143 days as a senator about to run our country. its the equivalent of working on a dock & after 4 months, someone saying to that person, "hey, the CEO quit & now we're giving you the position!"

2- living in California, we had some very interesting props to vote on. ill get to prop 8 in a second yet did you hear about prop 4? if not, check it out. i understand there are exceptions to every law/rule yet: 1- when i was in high school & had a headache, i couldn't take an aspirin without someone's permission & 2- my sister, who is a manager of a tanning salon, must have a parent come in, fill out a consent form & on file at ALL times, it will say, "this person under the age of 16 has permission to tan".... remember, i just said TAN!

3- prop 8.... you'll never know how much that hurts me and I'm straight! people keep saying it would ruin the sanctity of marriage.... um, newsflash! it had already been ruined by the many people getting married for health benefits, becoming legal and most importantly, people just thinking, "oh, ill get married & if it doesn't work out, ill just get divorced... no big deal!" if anything, i think it would have been restored for the simple fact that most of the gay friends i have in my life want their lives to be as regular/normal as everyone else so they value their relationships, love the idea of spending their lives with someone forever, let alone, having a family of their own! for this to pass, its basically separating water fountains again....

me =(

Slapped in the face Vol. 3, *Special Edition*

So I come home from work today and see there's a little girl in the living room watching TV. I go up to her and say, "Hi there. I'm Elizabeth. What's your name?" She informed me that her name is Bella and that she was here with her aunt who was downstairs helping my dad out with work. Her aunt is a very good family friend of ours and she had brought Bella by before but I think it was during tax season or for some reason, I wasn't home!

Anyways, talked to Bella for a few more mins and then went downstairs to talk to my dad & Bella's aunt. After a few mins though, I felt bad she was up there by herself so I asked her if she wanted to watch "So You Think You Can Dance" since I didn't get to watch it the night before. She was SUPER excited since it was her favorite show! (BTW- My mom actually got me into this show cuz I really had no desire to watch it yet I'm SO glad I do! The Bittersweet thing about the show is that this was what Wade Robson originally wanted to do for his show back in the day on MTV.... Oh well. He does help out with this show though....) Also, this year, a very good friend of mine from dance class/"The Wade Robson Project" is on the show! His name is Stephen "Twitch" Boss and for as good as a dancer he is, he's the epitome of what all people should be! He's as nice, sweet, caring and personable as they come and I'm SO happy for him right now! Once I saw he was on the show, I told my mom that he's winning, no if's, ands, or buts about it! To check out some of his dancing skills, either You Tube him or even watch the movie "Hairspray". He first comes in when they're having a party at MotorMouth Maybelline's place and then at the end when he's looking at Amber (Brittany Snow's character) and teaching her how to dance.... You won't regret it!

Alright, I have to learn how to control these tangents! I feel they're getting worse as the years go by! Anyways, Bella was kinda nervous around the dogs so I told her we could go watch it up stairs and the dogs wouldn't bother us there. So we go up to my room but we got to talking and then she wanted to do each other's hair. She just told me to put my hair in a side bun and then she wanted me to do the same for her. While we're talking, I notice how mature and well spoken she is. I mean, when I asked her who Britney Spears was, she not only told me who but what she did to Justin Timberlake by cheating on him! I sat there and soaked in the "ET" moment I was having with this child!

I knew she was young yet I didn't know how young. So while I was doing her hair, I asked Bella how old she was. She informed me she was 6. She then asked how old I was. I said, "26" and right then and there, I stopped and took a step back. It had just hit me that if I had followed the same path that all my friends did when we were 18, 19, & 20, she would be my kid! Well, not her but instead of me playing with her hair it would be more of an everyday obligation of doing her hair.... Get what I mean??? Either way, it kinda tripped me out and she even knew something was wrong! She was like,"What's the matter?" and I flat out told her that she could be my kid! She even said, "Wowww". It was really cute.....

After hanging out with her, it made me realize that I do want kids. Well, maybe "kid" and lots of dogs but I would like at least one and to DEFINITELY wait a few more years....

Slapped in the face, Vol. 2

**WARNING- The following post contains VERY graphic language and is not for the faint of heart or prudes. If the "F" and even "C" (oh yeah, I'm going there....) words are bothersome to you, then you may not want to continue on. Just wanted to give a fair warning that way people aren't like, "Damn, what the hell is her problem!?" Well, you're about to find out....**

You know, I made the category "Slapped in the Face" for the times that I have been really screwed and basically taken advantage of in the past. I didn't think that I would have a present example but I do and let me tell you, I'm infuriated! Actually, more disappointed, hurt and crushed but still infuriated. Let me tell you a lil story.....

Long time ago, I had (yes, had) a friend who I had known since 7th grade. Since then, I knew she used me for my acquired math skills but that was after she would make fun behind and even sometimes, in front of me. When she realized how good I was in Math, she then became my friend and I stupidly went along with it. Through out the years, she would continue ever so often but after awhile, more of an actual friendship happened and the "making fun of me" would only happen once in a while but she still would. Cut to after high school (which we didn't even go to the same school), we still talked and hung out. She started getting into these horrible relationships and she also started doing "shit" (aka- speed, meth, whatever you want to call it!) I, being the "pendeja" (<-- basically "stupid sap" in Spanish) that I am, I was there for her. I was always there when she needed someone to pick her up when she would be kicked out of her parents or even with whatever boyfriend kicked her out and even stupider, would take her to get her "shit". I never "shit" with her cuz I felt like I had enough health problems as it was and I didn't need to mess myself up anymore! Anyways, She then was introduced, by HO of all people, to "Him", the one who changed her life in more ways than one.

Everything really went downhill when "She" met "Him". "Him" would hit her, treat her like shit and "She" would just eat it up. There was one time he actually hit her in front of me and I was just furious and I started yelling at him. He then asked me if I wanted the same thing and started coming after me. Well, like I've mentioned before, don't fuck with me or the ones who are close to me cuz I'll go off! When he came towards me, I put my arms up and grabbed his, put them behind his back, pushed him to the ground and said, "Like I fucking said! You come after me, her or any other woman like that again and I will kill you!!!" and then proceeded to push him to the ground and kick him while I was at it, too. From that day on, he knew not to fuck with me yet when they felt they needed to leave here and move out of state to the middle of nowhere, there was nothing I could do to try and protect her. He one time literally almost killed her, having a knife to her neck and not letting her breath, but she then was able to move her legs and kicked him in the balls. I believe that's the only reason why "She's" alive today! Yet for some reason, after every fight, they would end up with each other once again.

"She" was, how do I say this politely, "loose, easy, had lots of sex with everyone known to man"?!? Yet she had NEVER gotten pregnant. She hated using condoms, wasn't on birth control, and would have it morning, noon and night, rain or shine, period or no period! It seemed like there was NEVER a time where she wasn't doing it! We even had the discussion that we thought that she was infertile and couldn't have a baby! Well, what do you know??? She actually gets pregnant by "Him". I didn't believe it until she showed me the slip from Planned Parenthood. She took that as a sign that "She" & "Him" were meant to be. As "She" would say, "I mean, why him? I could have gotten pregnant by anyone else but I got pregnant by him. It's a sign...." Yeah, a sign "She" was a moron!

During her pregnancy, she was out of state so I wasn't around to really see how she was doing. We would talk on occasion but there was nothing I could do from here. About a week away from her due date, I got a call from not only her but from her folks. Turns out that "Him" got pissed about SOMETHING (who knows what but it was always something really stupid!) and he pushed her around, thankfully she landed on the bed. "She" was able to run (waddle) out of the place yet while "She" drove away, he threw rocks at the car windows and broke the back driver's window and the passenger window. Her & her folks called me to go and pick her up. They were paying for my plane ticket and then they gave me gas money to drive her and ALL the baby stuff back here. I did it with basically a 16-18 hr. notice. When I left the next day to drive our to her dad's place, I just told my folks I was going to San Diego for the weekend to visit PH (that's where she was living at the time) and that I would be back in a few days. <--(*note- I didn't end up telling my folks I did that for about a year.....)

So there I was, up to the middle of nowhere to pick up my pregnant friend that was about a week away from her due date in a little 2-door car with broken windows, 16 hr. drive and for about 10 of the hrs. with NO reception on my cell phone! At one point, we were in Oregon, going over this lil bridge and we randomly saw a stork. Like a legit, what you see in the movie "Dumbo" and "Father of the Bride 2", stork! I said to her, "Oh wow, look! A stork!". "She" was pretty surprised to and then it hit me. I turned my head, eyes as wide as possible and said to her, "Don't you DARE have this baby right now!!! We're in the middle of nowhere, have NO supplies and no cell reception!!! Don't even THINK about having this baby right now!!!" She didn't (thank god) but still........ It was scary.

Once I got her home, I basically took care of her til the baby came out. Took her to all her dr. appts., got to see the baby in the ultrasound, even got to hear the baby's heartbeat and have hiccups! Seemed like at least once a day I took her out to eat somewhere! I mean, I took my job seriously in taking care of her. All I asked was that I would be able to be there when the baby was born. Well, she went WAY over her due date and ended up having the baby about 2 weeks after the due date. Coincidentally, I was leaving to go to Meixco City with "HO" the day before they induced her. I was just heartbroken. I wanted to be there SOOOO bad when that baby came out and now I had to jump on a plane and miss it. When I went to wish her luck and to tell her to leave me messages on my phone once the baby came out, I was crying. I even for some reason apologized cuz I couldn't be there yet it didn't matter since........ "She" had "Him" come from out of state to be there for the baby's birth!!! So even if I was there when she went into labor, I couldn't be in there cuz HE WAS THERE!!!! I couldn't believe she did that! "Him" wasn't even suppose to come near her, let alone leave the state he was in! It was the only thing I hated about the birthing video <--(Oh yeah! There was video and it was FANTASTIC! It was all over the shoulder, so you couldn't see THAT and her reactions were the BEST!!! I took everyone I knew to watch it cuz it was great!). Right when I got back from Mexico City, I went home, dropped off my stuff and me & my hair, which still in place from the night before (they're hardcore when it comes to doing hair over there! And it only cost $10!!! They probably used every dangerous chemical and poo in my hair but it looked good....), went over to see the baby.

I knew the minute I saw him that he was the most amazing child born. He was perfect in every way. I remember when I first got to hold him and feed him, while watching the greatest birthing video alive, I said to him,"Always remember that I love you and I will ALWAYS be here for you, no matter what". From then on, I considered him as if he was part of me.

I would go over everyday. "She" and I got close again and I was there every moment I could to help her with the baby. In truth though, it really wasn't tough. I truly feel he has me spoiled for whenever I end up having kids cuz I only hope they're as good as he was! Really, it was crazy how much of a good baby he was! Everyone knows I'm a BIG advocate of not taking kids out of the house until they're a double digit age but with the baby, it didn't matter! We would run down everything we had to do for the day and I would end it saying, "Well, let's take the baby." We would go shopping for hours and whatnot and he would just kick it in the stroller, smiling and getting all the attention he could want! So many people would make the comment that he was so well behaved and I would flat out say, "Oh, we know!". Well, that was one of the things "She" hated that I would do, that I would say "we". "She" said when I said that we sounded like we were a lesbian couple! I didn't mean that but I could see why she would get pissed so I had to change what I would say.

Once the baby was born, "She" kinda got back into drugs ("shit, speed, meth"...whatever!). "She" always said one of the main reasons why she did it was to lose weight.... yeah..... I'm really trying not to be a bitch and I am going to preface this by saying that I don't talk shit, I only tell the truth-- Honestly, for as much as she did,"She" was the only person I had EVER met that never lost a significant amount of weight while doing drugs! It was crazy! Well, since she started again and I was stupid, I would tell her that I would watch the baby while she went out. I even gave her my cell phone just in case she needed me or I needed her in regards to the baby. One night though, I honestly thought she was dead. I called her god knows how many times. She said she was going to be about an hour or so and when it was almost the 4 hr. mark, I really started to freak out. I was ready to call hospitals yet LBS was with me and she just flat out said to call her mom. So I did. Finally, at about 3:30-ish in the morning, she came back and the first thing out of her mouth was, "YOU CALLED MY MOM!?!?". Not a "I'm so sorry." or "I couldn't hear the phone." or "I was teleported to another world with no reception".... Nope, just pissed cuz i ratted her out. That's when she started holding the baby against me and not let me see him. She knew that it would kill me if I wasn't around him and that's what she did. There would be maybe one or two times where we would make up and start talking again but something would happen and we wouldn't speak.

I think the big thing to happen would be that she actually started getting serious with "HO", who , if I failed to mentioned, was "Him's" BEST FRIEND and the one who introduced "She" & "Him"! Yes, best friend and former square dancing partner at Outdoor Ed, "HO". Well, there's a reason why I call "HO", well "HO"! Long story short (cuz this whole post isn't long enough as it is!), "HO" got with one of my friends from dance class and because I'm stupid and naive, when "She" asked me if there was something going on between "HO" and my friend, I just told her. Why? I don't know. I just did and as it is, it took "HO" and I a few years to get over the WHOLE situation. But, at first, she thanked me for letting her know and then made it seem like it was MY fault "HO" and my friend did it! ANYWAYS... The whole point- I was the bad guy, again!

Cut to now- "She" and "HO" actually got married (I wasn't invited), they have their own kid (aka- Satan's spawn), and they're kinda miserable but that's just the sense I get from them. The baby (not SS, the "in my eyes" perfect one) just turned 6...... In all the years he's been alive, I've been to 1 birthday party, which was his first. I had gotten used to the fact that I never got to see him or attend anything he did in school or in sports yet I saw something today that just made me lose it.

A while ago, "HO" had given me the blog to one of the baby's grandma's blogs cuz she would update every so often with stories and pics of the kids. It was my only way of having any connection with the baby. So since I knew yesterday (the 14th) was his birthday, just on a hunch, I checked out the blog to see if MAYBE she posted some pics of his birthday. Well, she did. He looked so sweet and happy. I was looking at all the pics when one caught my attention-- "She" invited people to her son's birthday that she used to do drugs with but now you know, they're mothers and their lives are different and whatnot & all the good shit. I was devastated. Granted the pic that I saw was of one of my good friends that I still talk to every so often, it just made me so sad that I, who was not only there for "She" but her baby, the baby who changed not only my life but everyone's around him! I don't know why but I just lost it. I mean, I was almost inconsolable and it made everyone around me feel bad. They tried cheering me up but it took driving and realizing that my life will be MUCH better than hers in the long run to make me feel somewhat better...... It literally felt as if she came over and slapped me across the face when I saw that pic.....

**UPDATE** 10:45pm- So.... It turns out that when I informed LBS about the party/pic I saw and LBS knew how much it hurt me, she actually called "She" and left a voice message! We got to Vegas at approx. 6-ish and then just kicked it for awhile. When we were eating, she got a callback from "She"! I just sat there in a quiet shock while LBS talked to her.

According to LBS, the reasons that "She" gave why she doesn't want me around or really in her life is that I'm too opinionated..... Ummm, duh! I know I am and yes, I sometimes don't know when to shut up YET what "She" doesn't like is how I voice my opinion on "Him", you know, the guy who basically killed her and was the sperm donor to the baby??? Yeah.... What good could I say about him?! He's NEVER been in the baby's life, "HO" has done SUCH an amazing job on the baby that the baby actually thinks "HO" is his real dad, and for crying out loud, "Him" treated "She" like shit! The ONLY good thing that EVER came out of the whole thing was that amazing baby came out basically perfect! You know, it's something I've noticed about people who really shouldn't have kids but when they do, they're mindblowingly perfect and amazing??? Anyways, "She" made it seem like I was talking shit about her husband and not the person who just provided the sperm & almost killed her! I have NEVER heard her defend or be grateful for her ACTUAL husband the way I heard her defend that asshole who's in jail til the baby is about, oh, 18-20, at the EARLIEST!!!! When LBS informed me of this, I took responsibility for about 10-25% of my actions towards being opinionated and not knowing when to shut up YET I and even LBS pointed out that why the HELL is she defending this stupid ignorant asshole so much??? Well, I did point out to LBS that I will go to my GRAVE saying that if she had a chance, she would go back to "Him". She is the epitome of a battered wife and either way, she's going to ruin that lil boy's life. "She" has full custody of the boy AND "HO" is actually on the verge of trying to adopt him yet "She" saves all the letters "Him" writes and "She" wants to tell the boy about his REAL father probably within the next few years.... Smart, huh??? Tell a 10-12 year old that the man who you thought was your father isn't and some scum of the earth who's basically rotting in jail is??? Brilliant.

So, in closing this BEYOND long post (Thank you to the 3 of you who probably took the time to read this WHOLE thing!), I end with an open letter to her:

To you-

I would like to thank you. It only took about 14 years yet I truly see what/who/how you are as a person. I now see and understand that because of the insecurities you suffered ever since you were a child with a mix of being the most spoiled brat who got whatever she wanted and never appreciated anything that came to her is apparent to the way you are today. You think everything is suppose to be simple? You think everything should go your way? Well, think again. Actually I don't think I have to say that since you're now living in what YOU made for yourself!

I wish a few things for you:

1- To realize how lucky you are to have the man that you call your husband. Don't take him for granted yet I think it's too late to say that since it seems like you really never did appreciate anything he ever did. He stopped his life to help you & the baby and yeah, he fucked up but guess what??? YOU decided to stay. YOU could have left. YOU could have proven to EVERYONE how you matured once you had the baby and made a good life for the both of you without depending on anyone to support you financially. If the day ever comes that you can see "Him" and you actually do, you will be the stupidest cunt ALIVE!!!!!

and 2- Really realize that you gave birth to a truly amazing son. You may think he's a good kid but I don't think you actually realize how you hit the jackpot with him! I would die to have a child like him! I only DREAM of literally having a child JUST LIKE HIM! You will never know how many times I thought it was not fair you had him, that he is yours cuz in truth, you don't deserve to have a child like him! YOU DON'T DESERVE HIM IF YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M SAYING!!!!!!

We had our moments in life but I am officially done. I want NOTHING to do with you and it kills me to say that since I have a feeling I'm not going to be able to talk to a friend who was once one of my best friends (HO) and especially since I won't be around for the baby. As weird as you may think it is, I truly felt I had a connection with him. From dreams to things in common, there was just something about him & I. Now that lil boy has no recollection of who I am and that is the one thing that I'll always hate that you did to me. I would have seriously rather you shoot me than take the boy out of my life.

So, in the future, when you're not sure about lil things like unemployment, IRAs and lil shit like that, why don't you see if you have any brain cells left and try to figure it out yourself! Most likely you won't and you'll just get screwed like always. It shouldn't be too bad since it's something you should be used....

So long.

Slapped in the face Vol. I

Exactly, one year ago, I was "let go" of the last place I worked at. Here's the "FANTASTIC" story I wrote on Myspace about it when it first happened....

"I was 'Fired' (which i come to find out, I was 'Let go' because I 'wasn't a right fit'.....ELLS, fuck yourselves......yeah, still kinda pissed....) last week from the CPA firm I not only worked at for approx. 7 months but most importantly, worked through double (yes, DOUBLE!!!) duty for tax in the first time in my life! I will be the first to admit that I knew it was going to be hard and stressful yet I actually was optimistic for awhile and it actually didn't turn out to be as bad as I thought it would be (but PLEASE don't get me wrong! It was still HELL!) Like I mentioned before, in truth, it's actually a cool thing that I was "Fired/Let go" b/c it just clarified that 1- I am TRULY not appreciated in any fucking position! and 2- It was just time to do what I planned on doing in about 2 years, which is to start taking over my father's business, now....Yes, the actual "tax season" is over yet there's still SO much to do! AND thanks to the fuckers who didn't appreciate my service (which, by the way, I had that shit to a science there!), I now know how to get everything in order & organized and just how to run a business to make things SO much simpler on not only myself but for my father for the last few years that he will be doing it......

So what's my problem, you ask? I mean, I'm getting unemployment, got severance pay AND all my "vacay" time (BTW-- 1st time since the age of 18 that I am OFFICIALLY debt-free!), have insurance til the end of the month YET my father and I are going to go get me self-employment insurance/reimbursement plan in the next week or so........It's good. But. Here's my beef......I truly busted my ass, as the "receptionist" (you know, 'just answering a phone!'), would stay approx. 10-12 hrs. EACH day, even stayed there once til 1:30 IN THE FUCKING MORNING to help the others out! Didn't have to but I did it to show my loyalty and my hard work for the firm. Then, I would go home and help my mother with appts. and scheduling for my father, sorting and other lil admin shit that needed to be done at the house and then go back and do the same thing for 3 months!!! I basically worked 6 1/2 days (I would drive my dad around on Saturdays for about 12-14 hrs. in the I.E. to go to people's house & then help my dad half of the day on Sundays) and about 12-16 hrs. a day..........and what do I get in return?? 'Thanks but no thanks' from the people who are as useless as they come! I just didn't like being disrespected, insulted and basically verbally slapped across the face and that's EXACTLY what happened. The best thing was the guy (who's daughter I went to school with!), who has been there the longest out of anyone and let me go, couldn't even look me in the eye when he was informing me on my new "employment status" in life! I'm sorry but if that's not a pussy, I don't know what is! There's been some people from there that I have spoken with and they have said the moral of the office has just dropped! I don't want to say it's just me since they let others go as well yet out of respect, couldn't they have informed me that this was going to be a seasonal position instead of surprising me to the point of almost throwing up on the guy's desk!?

Basically, like I mentioned above, they have not only fucked themselves (by the end of this year, they'll have a WHOLE new staff since the girls who have been there the longest are leaving on either maternity leave or nursing school) and won't know which way is up but they have done me a service to not only get everything in order for me & my father's business but it just further shows the lack of common sense and mentality that runs through most of the nation (possibly the world) these days....."

That was over a year ago and to this day, I still feel the same towards them. I actually saw that one of our clients goes through them for some kind of tax item that a woman specialized in there and even though the woman at that firm is a nice, I nearly shit when I saw their letterhead! I seriously can't stand the thought of or even want to drive down that part of the street where the firm is located!

I guess its the simple fact that have I been burned WAY too many times in the 26 years I've been on this Earth and I'm sick of it! I don't hang out or really talk to people who have disrespected me and I'm finally at a job where I am appreciated. It's weird how certain things stick in your mind. There are a few things I remember so vividly about that day:

-The way I became clammy, nauseated and pale while I was being informed
- How when I got home and I vented for a straight 30 mins. to my father about how much I hope we would be able to see one day that the firm has collapsed and failed. (Oh & the pure cursing that came out of my mouth! )
-The reaction to the woman from unemployment when I told her I "wasn't a right fit" after 7 months (She was stunned!)

But I must say, the thing I remembered most about that day is that I knew what I wanted to do in life and what I wanted out of it. It was a truly weird feeling but I knew that's what it was. Thought I will say that the main regret I have from that day is that I never did throw up on the partner's desk. That's the only thing that I wished I really did.....