things on my mind-

- I'm hungry but I'm not.
- how weird/emotional/odd/shitty this whole week has been
- that I actually haven't watched THAT much TV this week (for me, uber bizarre!)
- remembering how I blacked out when Chris Daughtry got kicked off of AI (the 5th season is on the TV Guide channel right now)
- hoping that the MRI doesn't say I f-ed up my knee hardcore (i.e.- nothing is torn)
- hoping I have a really nice night tomorrow
- trying to become motivated to writing on here again...

here's hoping. =)

Getting Better

So I'm starting to sleep again... Actually it's become the opposite where I now just want to sleep! I think it's moved from emotional stress to emotional exhaustion but as ridiculous as it sounds, I would rather sleep than not... Other than being in Vegas, I have never stayed up, especially just laying in bed in the dark, all night at home before & well, it was shitty.

For some reason last night, the song, "All Cried Out" got into my head & so I looked up the lyrics. Sans it being about a relationship, this is basically how I eventually want to end up... I am happy to say about 77% there yet I just need to release the last 23%. That will most likely happen by the end of the week!

If you don't know the song or can't remember it, I linked it in the title. I was originally was going to post the mid 90's remake but I thought that we all (well, maybe just me) needs a good laugh & to feel a lil better so I have posted it OG with Lisa Lisa & the Cult Jam. Enjoy an "as legit as it was" 80's video!

All Cried Out

[Girl]
All alone on a Sunday morning
Outside I see the rain is falling, whoa...
Inside I'm slowly dying
But the rain will hide my crying, crying, crying
And you
Don't you know my tears will burn the pillow
Set this place on fire 'cause I'm tired of your lies
All I needed was a simple "Hello"
But the traffic was so noisy that you could not hear my cry

I, I gave you my love in vain
My body never knew such pleasure
My heart never knew such pain
And you, you leave me so confused
Now I'm all cried out
Over you

[Boy]
Oh you, all over you, ooh....

Never wanted to see things your way
I had to go astray
Oh, why was I such a fool
Now I see that the grass is greener [Girl: Why, oh why...]
Is it too late for me to find my way home
How could I be so wrong?

[Girl]
Leaving me all alone

Don't you know the hurt will cause an inferno
Romance up in flames
Why should I take the blame?
You were the one who left me neglected [Boy: Oh, no no no...I'm so sorry]
Apology not accepted
Add me to the broken hearts you've collected

I, I gave you all of me [Boy: Gave me all of you]
How was I to know
You would weaken so easily
I, I don't know what to do
Now I'm all cried out [Boy: I'm all...]
Over you [Boy: All cried out too...whoa, whao..]

[Girl]
I, I gave you my love in vain
My body never knew such pleasure
My heart never knew such pain
And you

[Boy]
I left you so confused!
Now I'm all cried out

[Girl]
Now I'm all cried out
Over you......

ugh, this sucks.

**Editor's note: Flat out- I'm a mess. Because of that, some posts may be really strong & emotionally driven. Things will come out that some people won't agree with & some that may make others think I should be in a padded room. Please know that I am on here to show I don't need the padded room. When I'm not & you're worried, then contact to make sure I wasn't transferred to one.**

It's 2:06 am & I can't sleep. Today really kicked my ass. I haven't had a day like this in a while, especially to the degree of today's emotional level. HO tried doing a "tough love" bit on me but that didn't work... I felt it was too soon to do. Today should have been more of, "This is shitty but let it out" day.

I ended up admitted more of the "issue" to my mother. As much as it hurt to do, she was very understanding. Yes, she took 4 seconds to scold me yet took the rest of the day to be as understanding and compassionate as a person can be. It made me feel good. It truly did.

My problem though is that I can't seem to find the compassion for myself. I can't stop being upset over everything! I've been told by quite a few people that I need to be but I just can't bring myself to feel that way towards myself. For some reason, I can feel all the compassion for anyone else, who honestly & truly deserve it. Not the fucking stupid, god damn ignorant, piece of shit, basic cancers to society that I know of or have on a list of actual people I unfortunately know. It's not that I feel I belong on that list (NOT AT ALL!) but I also don't want to have compassion for myself. It's more that I'm just so pissed, let alone disappointed I could have EVER gotten into a situation like this. I feel like a hypocrite, a loser & just a stupid shit. Honestly, I'm not writing this for others to be like, "No...". I'm writing this to let people know that I'm learning more about life & it sucks. It sucks A LOT!

As a kid, I never imagined life would be this way. I imagined that life was a basic cut out & you either go this way or that way. I know its a good thing that it isn't yet to ever think it would go this way just SUCKS!!! I knew there were bad people in the world but maliciously horrendous cocksuckers who prey on people? Wow. It's just mind blowing. I know that there have been people like this since the dawn of time but how has it just gotten worse? Like really, how???

I hate I can't sleep. I hate that I think I may have to start taking something to help me sleep. I hate that I can't hire a hit man man or even just take the pleasure of getting rid of a cancer to society. I hate the system. I really am just a huge cluster fuck mess of hate right now & I hate it.

pure vent

In a span of 3 hours, today has been SUCH a roller coaster of emotions! I honestly don't remember the last time I had such a feeling of low to feeling high within 1.5 seconds.

It all started this morning-

See, I haven't been sleeping well. The past few nights, my bedtime has been around 3 am. My body is just so stressed & out of it & I hate it. So, going to bed at 3, usually nothing would wake me up 3 & 1/2 hours later... Well, at 6:15, HO called needing a ride. For me to hear, actually feel the vibrations of the phone next to my head is the ONLY reason why I picked up my phone. To get into why I had to give HO a ride would just be too long, draining & ridiculous right now but I will get into it one day... But anyways, back to the subject here, which is me... =)~

So I get up & give him a ride. I'm super tired & wondering why I'm driving but it was for a good reason. All I can think though is that I can't wait til I get home & to get back into bed. I get back, get the puppies & go back to bed to sleep... but now I can't sleep. So I figure, "Let me listen to Kevin & Bean". While listening to K&B, they mentioned they were going to have a dream interpreter. I was quite intrigued since I have always had very intense & even some recurring dreams so I figured, "Hey, I should call in"... Ok, I know that I'm on the radio often yet I call when it's a topic or a trivia game. When it's something along the lines of a mass amount of people trying to call in to be one of like 3 to be able to ask a question, it's nearly impossible... Well, what do you know? I got through!

While I was on hold, I was trying to think of what exactly to ask. I mean, I am a HUGE dream person. My father & I love talking about dreams and we always try to figure out what it all means. Of all the dreams I thought about asking, "What does this mean?", I pick a recurring one that has been around for half my life. It usually comes at least 4-6 times a year yet it has been coming more like once or twice a month. It really haunts me cuz it starts out ok yet turns scary. All it is- a big wave of water. They're not like a 5, 10, 15 foot waves- they're easily 50-100 feet tall! I can have the most normal of dreams & then out of the blue, I'm @ the beach & I start to see the build up of the wave. Through out the years, lil things change about it. I try running away/outsmarting it & the wave at times looks like its been drawn like a funny cartoon yet every time, it hits me.

I'm the last call they took on the radio. They were very nice & understanding. The guy informs me that in any dream that consists of water means emotion. Alright- huge wave of emotion. I get it. Alright, it started with being diagnosed with my thyroid condition. HUGE turning point & really affected my life/emotions thought, through out the years, I have learned to deal & take care of it. It still bothers me but I notice that these wave dreams come around when HUGE emotional stuff is going on. When I was listening to the playback, I heard myself start to tear up in the end. As much as it may have been for the thyroid, it was more for the "issue" going on.

I can't get into the "issue" just yet. Some things still need to be sorted out yet most likely, the story of the "issue" will be coming soon. Here's why:

About 15-20 mins after I was on the radio, I got just the most devastating news about it. It was official. I hit rock bottom. I was inconsolable and crying like a kid who is on the verge of throwing up & not being able to breath out of my nose. I just couldn't believe what I was hearing. HOW COULD THIS BE?!?! HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!?!? WHY DID THIS HAPPEN!?!?! WHAT IS GOING ON??? To top it off, the asshole who was giving me this information was a emotionless as fuck. I think that's what hurt even more. Then he couldn't even give me proper information so I then had to make calls & find it out myself, all while trying to compose myself. It was truly hell.

This is where it picks up- I literally just had everything sucked out of me. I don't even know how I was standing. I hung up with the nice lady who was being as helpful as possible while trying to tell me I'll be ok. Then, I get a Facebook notice on my phone. It said I had a private message sent to me & when I saw the name of the person who sent it to me, I went into shock. I then did my infamous "thinking semi-pessimistically" and figured it was a spam virus & I was a "lucky one" who got the message! Well, I was wrong! This person heard me on the radio & was excited to hear me on there. This person actually recognized my voice before they even heard it was me! I HAVEN'T SEEN/SPOKE (sans email) WITH THIS PERSON IN OVER 7 YEARS!!! and knew it was me. To even get into who this person is would take forever & 2 days but this is someone who is a very amazing human being & I have felt this way for quite sometime. If for some reason this person is reading this, thank you. You made me go from feeling like pond scam to flying high as a kite in 1.5 seconds.

Would you believe this all happened within 3 hours, all before 9:30 in the morning? Would you also believe that the last part all happened with 30 mins? Me neither... but it did.

So... to end this, I ask a question- did all this happen for a reason? Did HO needing a ride, not being able to go back to sleep, having to listen to K&B, going on the radio, get a devastating phone call to then get an amazing message all happen for a reason? If not, well, this is some funky ass world we live in...

"It's been a long time...

... Shouldn't have left you, without a dope beat to step to..."

Hi. I don't even know what to really say. To say that the past year has been a roller coaster would be an understatement. I'm ashamed, disappointed and kinda pissed that I didn't write on here when it probably would have helped me release some of the stuff that I needed to. The problem was I just couldn't bring myself to. I didn't have the energy. It just sucked. I know I've said/mentioned something like this about 6 months ago but it seemed like everything just took a nosedive and I just lost a lot of motivation. I hope that I will one day be able to write about everything that has happened but as of right now, it's probably not best until everything is done, taken care of & the outcome is what I would want it to be or just at least a positive one.

As of right now, I'm getting a lil better. I actually just got laid off and as much as that would be looked @ as a bad thing, it's actually the best thing for me right now. I need time to fix myself emotionally, mentally & physically. I'm calling this my "Carpe Diem" moment. 

In a way to get back into the swing of things, I'm going to try to come on here to write. You know, I don't find myself to be a great, even good, writer but I want to try & be. Even if I just come on here & post pics of the "PUPPIES", it's doing something! 

There are a few posts from tax season that I finally posted & I'll try posting tonight or tomorrow my "25 things" & "50 questions". 37 years later but it'll finally be done! 

So for those who read this, yes, I'm here, semi-functioning and trying to just get on with life.

Thanks for coming by & take care,

Me =)

I'm back!

So after last week of wanting to throw myself in "puppy lake" & just end it ALL, thanks to the massive head cold & bronchitis I got, I am now back on the road with my dad! Here we go-

10:27- Arrive at our first appt. in Chino (approx. 35 mins from where we live) & they are actually new clients that were referred to us by a VERY good & close family friend of ours. It's a couple with a 8 month old baby girl. The woman is my age. Well, actually, I'm older than her, which I find weird cuz I sometimes can't wrap my mind that I should really call & consider myself a woman but I still think I'm about 10-15 years younger than my actual age! I know, I'm odd. Ya don't need to remind me of that! :)~

Anyways, the chick (there we go, I'll use the word chick!) is Hawaiian & is a Hawaiian dancer. She does competitions all around! Her & her lil family seem really sweet & she has a head on her shoulders. She, as we speak, is working at a law firm AND is also going to school to become a lawyer! Woot for her! I could NEVER go to law school... Too much for me!

Also, everything turned out really well doing their return & my dad told her & her husband how to properly claim on their W-4s! All & all, good experience! Glad they were referred to us...

OH!!! I almost forgot! Talk about small world shit! So as much as LBS thinks I am an asshole & thinks that I talk shit about her & call her a bitch, I talk about how much of an AMAZING manager she is @ her salon. See, whenever I mention my sister is a manager of a tanning salon, I usually get the "Oh. That's nice.", assuming that she's an airhead & doesn't know her ass from a hole in the ground... Well, let me tell you, that is SO far from the truth! My sister is truly brilliant & knows her shit when it comes to the tanning industry! She goes to conventions, has taken classes on the side to learn about different products & beds and teaching her employees how to become better at their jobs! My sister has such a repartee with most of her clients that a lot of them always stay around & talk to her! LBS has done mind blowing things to that salon and the owner should be on his hands & knees EVERY night thanking the heavens she came into his life. If it wasn't for her, he would so be up shits creek without a damn paddle! She runs everything for him while he can go & either work somewhere else or take care of other things in his life... So small world shit- the chick we just went to see has gone a few times to my sister's salon to tan and was never informed of the salon before by our family friend! Small world...

On to the next house...

11:36- At our next house. My father & I for the life of us could not figure out where we were going! Turns out they're clients who used to live in Anaheim (which is approx. 25-30 from Corona) near where my grandparents. My dad actually tried to talk them into buying my grandparents place when it was on the market again but they decided to move here. At least its an older house. The reason for being appreciative of that- when you buy a home out in Riverside & San Bernadino counties that was built in about the mid 90's to about now, you're paying an extra tax called Mella-Roos.

Looks like this was a quickie so we're on our way!

12:27- At a house in corona valley, aka- a "city" that was created about 7 years ago due to ALL the new houses that were being built in corona (riverside county). We have quite a few clients out here. At least you can say that these houses are beautiful...

So this house we're at right now has a semi-funny yet irritating for them story. See, for some reason, whenever we're schedule to come to their house, we're either unbelievably late (like 2-3 hours) or we have to reschedule them! Today, we were about 30 mins early & they were in shock! Hell, the wife went shopping cuz she knows we're always late! My dad finished their return within 20 mins & the wife came home right when he was done! She was in shocked!

Alright, on to the next house!

2:12- So we're now at a client's house that my dad has known for about 30 years. I will flat out say that they are one of my favorites! I met them about 5 years ago. When I met the wife, she told me this incredible story about my uncle Jorge- about 30 years when she was applying for a job, she couldn't read or write in English. Well, it turned out she was applying to work where my uncle did & he saw that she was struggling so he helped her fill out her job application & because of him, she got the job & got to retire there after, whew, like 35 years! That was the type of man my uncle Jorge was but I'll tell the story about him later....

Well, let's actually go back to this morning before we even left the house- I was in the kitchen, getting ready for the day when the phone ran. It was the wife of this great couple. She called cuz she wanted to make us a nice meal for when we went over to see them this afternoon. I was so touched to have someone think & care for us like that! So she started naming off things she could make us & she then mentioned some carnitas that she had for us a few years ago & I yelled, "YES!". I've been waiting ALL day for this meal....

There was a reason why she also wanted to make us this meal- See, last year when we went to their house, my dad (I think) was going into some kind of diabetic shock. About 2 houses before them, my dad has these clients who have oranges in their backyard that you would maybe only find @ a farmer's market! They're huge, sweet & the juice is out of this world! My dad praises the juice yet he doesn't realize that being a diabetic, ON INSULIN, he can NOT drink that stuff or maybe he can have a small cup to taste it. Well, despite all my warnings & trying to care for him, he had about 3-5 FULL glasses of orange juice. I was pretty pissed. Not as pissed as I was when we were at this couple's house & he starts saying, "um, my vision is blurry". Then informs me, "Oh, I don't feel well". I look @ him and he's all clammy, pale and just looks ill! He eventually goes to lay down & I just start to tear up. The fantastic couple tried to help out by giving him water & the wife made him a salad with olive oil dressing. They helped me take care of him & I was truly grateful for their generosity...

And that's the reason for the meal she made us! She also made my dad this really colorful salad that he had 2 big servings of! The meal was absolutely everything I imagined it would be, maybe even better! Even though I ate like a damn pig, still thinking of the food makes my mouth water!

Since we were so early, we end up staying for about 2 hours just visiting & talking with the couple! It was a perfect treat to a pretty good day so far. I will DEFINITELY be sending a Thank You card to her for everything her & her husband did for us! Oh & she even gave us the rest of the carnitas & beans! I left as a very happy lil manatee!

On to the next house.....

4:30-ish - We get to the house in Colton & the people thought it was for next weekend. It worked out cuz we'll be about 2 miles away from them next week.

I inform my father that I'm going to go find a AT&T store b/c my phone is on the verge of death & my car charger is dead! So while he went to see the new client, who we find out that the last guy who did his past tax returns claimed he has about $26,000 of job "expenses" when he gets a W-2, I was going to try & find an AT&T store... Well, it was a lil adventure. See, for most of you who may read this, you have NO idea where or what the city of Colton looks like. It's truly one of the MAJOR armpits of Southern California! Yet according to the navigation system, it said I was about a mile & a half away from one. So I punch it in & let it take me there. When I arrive to the address, it was a residential area. I could have gone up to the door & asked if they sold a car charger for a blackberry but I was pretty sure my response would have been, "QUE?!" So no luck on the car charger& my phone will most likely die in a matter of an hour but at least it was a lil adventure around the even MORE ghetto side of COLTON!

Go pick up dad & end up going back to Corona Valley for the last 3 appts. of the night...

6:17- Ok, I am in shock! What I am witnessing here I NEVER thought I would hear or see! Brace yourselves, this is a heartbreaking story!

Alright, I have also known these people for about 4-5 years now. When I met them, they were trying their hardest to have a baby, even going to MEXICO to do IVF treatments!!! (BTW- side note, we had come by this house earlier yet the husband had to go run an errand about 30 mins away. We didn't think much of it since EVERYONE knows my dad runs late & they probably thought, "oh my appt. is at 2, I'll be home by 3:30!" We took alot of people by surprise today! But for some reason, I asked my dad, "Why did they go to Mexico to do IVF? Did they not have insurance?" Well, the answer was no. I then understood why they went down there, since it was cheaper, yet I mentioned to my dad, "I wonder if there would any side affects for going down there...." OK, back to the story!)

So we walk inside and I had noticed that the wife was missing. I found it out since she always greeted us & she was the one that had everything ready & prepared for us. I must have taken my time walking in cuz all I heard was, "She's living at her mom's" & "I think it's over". The guy went to go get some more stuff & I looked @ my dad & he gave me a look like, "Yup, you heard right." I was just like, "NOO!!!!" but in a whisper.

My dad does his best to do the tax return to the best of his abilities since the wife took like ALL the paperwork! He only had a few things but I guess he's going to try & get the rest of it.

Ok, fair warning- this is a truly sad story. Just thinking of it, it gives me the "sads" all over again...

**Editor's note- After writing the whole incident, I informed my folks & PH that I mentioned it in my blog. Well, they think that due to the nature of the story & how devastatingly sad it is that I should take that part out. To sum up what basically happened to the couple- the wife pulled a "Chris Brown" b/c she has turned into "Britney being locked up in her bathroom, before they wheeled her off to the psych ward"! Yeah. =(

7:49- Now that I am this distraught mess, we end up at this really cool & really funny couple's house. It worked out perfectly that they were after our last appt b/c they were not only able to make my dad & I laugh but they were also a half a mile away! Both the husband & wife work for the county as engineers & make a pretty decent living at it! Right when we're about to leave, the husband gives me this HUGE 42 oz. bag of M&Ms & says, "Here. These are for your mom. She'll know why she's getting them." I'm all confused so I go outside to call her & she remembered that b/c she squeezed him in for today, she told him the payment for doing that would be a bag of M&Ms. When I told her it was a 42 oz. bag, she was all, "DAMN! I just wanted a small bag but hell, it'll last!"

Done here. Off to the last house of the night!

8:57- Man, I thought this would be kind of a quickie but it's FAR from that! The worst part? They don't even have everything they need! It's not their fault though. It's amazing how much of assholes companies are these days. These people were still waiting for some 1099s yet about 4-6 companies hadn't sent them out yet! 1099s & W-2s are due to the Feds by the 28th of this month, let alone to everyone else!

So the background story about these people- The husband was making great money at a company doing pavement work & whatnot. Well, he decided that he should just go out on his own. Can I just say that in the time that I have been going out with my dad, people who try to go into business for themselves usually don't succeed. I would say 1 out of, oh, I don't know, 25 make it. It's probably even higher! It's really sad b/c you wish these people the best yet you also have to fair warn them that it's a HUGE risk. Honestly, I don't know that many people who have been successful in running their own business & it really just all ends in heartbreak.

The wife is the epitome of organized. She has everything in order & can really inform & show my dad everything that has happened. Well, in the 2 years that her husband has been doing this, they have been scrapping by. She even had to take money out of her 401k to be able to live. Now the guy realizes his mistake. He tried to go back to his old job but they had their own lay offs so he either needs to go forward with his business or find somewhere else.

We spend about an hour & a half there. The tax return is no where near done. Well, I'm done & I want to go home! We leave @ around 10:30-ish....

11:15- FINALLY home!!!! OH! I forgot to mention this- when I was in Colton, trying to find the damn AT&T store, HO called me. He informed me on his lottery ticket luck. He bought a ticket & won another ticket. So when he went to get another, he won $2! So he went to get another & won $10!! He took it as a sign that he was having a streak of good luck so he wanted to see if I wanted to go to the casinos with him. I told him that we should be home around 9:30-ish & he said, "Alright, call me when you get home". Yeah.... I called & he was asleep & I was super tired but we're still determined to go! I know THAT will be a story on it's own so when it happened, I'll definitely share!

Alright, I'm going to bed! I'm exhausted....

ttyl,

me =)

Unfortunately...

No blogging on the road for me today... I am sicker than a damn animal & all I want to do is sleep & take drugs! I feel really bad though b/c this is my first time in about 4-5 years that I have missed a Saturday going with my dad. I really feel that I should go but I know if I do, I'll just make everything worse for me, my dad & even for the guys at work! I just need to nip this shit in the butt & get on with life! 

Here's hoping for sleep, soup & cough medicine with codeine! 

Til next time,

me =(

I'm just wondering...

... Am I bitch for thinking that if you are a professional/self-employed person, that goes to different businesses for your job, that its cool to drag your kid with you!? When I say kid, I mean a child under the age of, oh, let's say 7. I understand there are circumstances that come up & you may need to drag the kid with you yet what if you worked in an office building or a factory? You couldn't take your kid to work with you. I also find it VERY unprofessional when you are trying to make an impression with someone that you can't find a baby sitter or day care to watch your kid for those few hours you're away???

Like I said, I understand shit comes! For instance, when LBS & I were younger, we would sometimes have to go to school with my mom. At first, it was boring as HELL yet I just finally sucked it up & started to help out around the classroom or see if any other teachers needed help yet I was old enough to help out! What input is a 4-5 year old going to make to his interior designer mom?!?!

So seriously, am I a bitch for thinking/feeling this way???

Me.

A Story

Finis​h the follo​wing sente​nces:​


Hi, my name is: Elizabeth Suarez.

Never​ in my life have I been:​ in a coma.​

The one perso​n who can drive​ me nuts is: my sister.

High schoo​l:​ was unfor​getta​ble,​ full of good and bad memor​ies.​

When I'm nervo​us:​ I sweat.

The last song I liste​ned to was: Nowhere Girl by B-Movie.

If I were to get marri​ed right​ now my best man/​maid of honor​:​ would be LBS.

My hair is: a pain in the ass to do quick yet when I take the time, it's great!

When I was 5: I wanted to be an artist.

Last Chris​tmas:​ LBS & I took pics with the Numbs as a xmas gift for "the units".

I shoul​d be: sleep​ing!

When I look down I see: my toes.

The happi​est recen​t event​ was: having ladies night with the cousins! =)

If I were a chara​cter on '​Frien​ds'​ I'd be: a mix of Phoeb​e & Chandler.

By this time next year:​ I'll be 28 & getting ready for Tax season.

My curre​nt gripe​ is: ignorance.

I have a hard time under​stand​ing:​ how ignorant, delusional & incompetent the world has become (more recently I should say...)....

There​'​s this girl I know that:​ needs to get her shit together & realize how her life is going nowhere.

You know I like you when:​ I get a genuine smile on my face.

If I won an award​,​ the first​ perso​n I would​ tell would​ be: my folks

Take my advic​e:​ Never​ compr​omise​ yourself & ask questions.

The thing​ I want to buy: a new car & a condo in Newport Beach​.​

If you visit​ed the place​ I was born:​ you would​ be about 20 mins away from everything in Orange County.

I plan to visit​:​ my good friend in Seattle sometime! I PROMISE LIZZ!!!!

If you spent​ the night​ at my house​:​ I'm sure dogs would​ want to sleep​ all over you.

I'd stop my weddi​ng if: I found​ out my fianc​e was a douche!

The world​ could​ do witho​ut:​ About 95% of Reality TV & 90% of idiots.

Most recen​t thing​ I've bough​t mysel​f:​ a 24oz of Smiroff Ice that way PH & I could go brown bag it at the park.

Most recen​t thing​ someo​ne else bough​t me: was probably a meal

My favor​ite blond​e is: JWB

My favor​ite brune​tte is: I'll just say me.

My favor​ite black​ hair is: no one I can think of right now....

My middl​e name is: Mercedes...... & yes, I was named b/c of the car!

In the morni​ng I: either get ready for work, while listening to Kevin & Bean or trying to sleep in on the weekends.

The anima​ls I would​ like to see flyin​g besid​es birds​ are: elephants.

Once,​ at a bar: had a drink that tasted like a chocolate cake yet had everything but the kitchen sink in it! 

Last night​ I was: at a park, brown baggin' it! 

There​'​s this guy I know who: is miserable with his life.

If I was an anima​l I'd be: a manatee ;)

A bette​r name for me would​ be: Woot =)

Tomor​row I am: doing​ laund​ry & maybe watching the game or going to the movies.

Tonig​ht I am: just watching & catching up with stuff on my DVR

My birth​day is: the easiest date to remember. 

A year ago today.....

....Heath Ledger passed away. There are so many reasons why I remember the date, let alone the time I found out- @ 1:45 pm PST, about 5 minutes after it was posted on TMZ. I remember being in such shock that it really didn't hit me until later that night when the horrible, disgusting & ignorant baptist church group from who knows where in the south decided that they wanted to protest his funeral. They wanted EVERYONE to know that since he played a gay character that this was God's way of punishing him. They were going to basically be there to make a ruckus & inform everyone that he was going to burn in Hell. I was blown away when I saw that & it was then that it hit me. It made me think of all the other work he had done and then I just sat in bed & started to just cry. I was & in a way, still am a mess over his passing. I don't know if it was that he was only a few years older than me or that him & the amazing talent he had were now gone. 

I, being the Queen of all knowing gossip & info in entertainment, remember seeing when they announced he was going to be the Joker in the upcoming Batman movie. I was skeptical yet when I saw his make up/appearance in pre-production pics & heard all the acclaim he was already getting before the movie even wrapped up, I had a feeling it was going to be amazing. Hell, I even remember people saying he should get an Oscar nod BACK THEN! So for people assuming he's getting all this attention now, just because of his passing, you're wrong.

Below is a clip from the movie that not only introduced us to the person that was Heath yet made me & others see how great he was:

hi.

For those who were wondering or concerned, I'm here. 

I know I have been HORRIBLE in keeping touch, let alone fulfilling the promise I made to myself to write in this as much as possible. It sucks cuz once I'm on a roll, I just go! Well, the past few months haven't been too peachy for me. A few things here & there happened yet it was the massive blow to my emotional & mental state that had me in the horrendous funk I've been in. 

Examples:

- My manatee ass just ate. I ate to my damn heart's content! Drank quite a bit too..... Let's just say I'm finally getting my ass in gear to lose all this weight cuz I'm not happy with it!

- I have been driving since August of 2000. From then to about June of 2008,  I had gotten MAYBE 3 tickets TOPS! From July of 2008 to October of 2008, I got 3 tickets. As is it, I received a "warning letter" from the DMV that if I get 2 more points by December of this year (2009), my license will be suspended.

- Hell, I can even use this blog as an example! I, for some reason, decided to come on & just check out some posts I wrote. I was re-reading the last one & I found SOOO many mistakes! Ok, maybe it was more like 3 or 4 but I'm anal retentive and have a lil OCD so it not only pissed me off but embarrassed me to post something with THAT MANY MISTAKES! 

Reader's digest- I was fooled, BAD! I actually can't get into too much detail about it right now yet one day I hope to write the truth & WHOLE story/outcome of this fiasco. 

I will say that even though tax season is literally RIGHT around the corner, I should be writing a lil more. Maybe not writing the long ass novels I usually post but I plan on posting interesting articles/items I see/find. I also will continue with the infamous, "blogging on the road" on Saturdays during tax season. OH! and a new thing I will be doing is posting as many pics of ALL the puppies we now have!!! Yes, I said puppies! I finally got a damn digital camera so I can now not only takes pics & load them up ASAP instead of the OG way of developing & scanning but I can now be part of the 21st century!

So, in closing- I'm alive & ready to take everything on! I'm a whole year older and it's time for things to change and for things to happen in my life!

Anyways, hope all is well with you & your families and thanks for coming by!

Talk to you soon....

<3,

me! =)

 

oh, don't worry....

I know I'm a horrible human being.... The funny thing is I've had things written that I've met to post but haven't! Anyways, here are a few things to read. I'll update later with pics of puppies (yes, puppies!), stories and the latest on life....



<3,

me! =)

the results

on the way home from work yesterday, my father & i had a discussion about the election results. we're completely baffled at the results:


1- let me just say RIGHT NOW, i wasn't impressed with both candidates.... i mean, this is the best our country could come up with??? and now we have a man with the only experience of 143 days as a senator about to run our country. its the equivalent of working on a dock & after 4 months, someone saying to that person, "hey, the CEO quit & now we're giving you the position!"

2- living in California, we had some very interesting props to vote on. ill get to prop 8 in a second yet did you hear about prop 4? if not, check it out. i understand there are exceptions to every law/rule yet: 1- when i was in high school & had a headache, i couldn't take an aspirin without someone's permission & 2- my sister, who is a manager of a tanning salon, must have a parent come in, fill out a consent form & on file at ALL times, it will say, "this person under the age of 16 has permission to tan".... remember, i just said TAN!

3- prop 8.... you'll never know how much that hurts me and I'm straight! people keep saying it would ruin the sanctity of marriage.... um, newsflash! it had already been ruined by the many people getting married for health benefits, becoming legal and most importantly, people just thinking, "oh, ill get married & if it doesn't work out, ill just get divorced... no big deal!" if anything, i think it would have been restored for the simple fact that most of the gay friends i have in my life want their lives to be as regular/normal as everyone else so they value their relationships, love the idea of spending their lives with someone forever, let alone, having a family of their own! for this to pass, its basically separating water fountains again....

me =(

a rant.

um, I'm sorry.... i don't mean to be a Debbie downer (i know I'm pro at it)
but Jennifer Hudson is on the way to ID the body of her nephew..... he
was shot multiple times, one to the head.... =( i cried when i heard they just found the body this morning but they still weren't sure it was him.....

i hate what our world is turning into & you want to know what i hate
the MOST!?!?!?!?!?!?! i HATE (and i mean HATE) fucking idiot people
who have the audacity NOW to say, "oh, i don't condone violence but
this monster needs to be killed!" um, excuse me- why just HIM?! there
are TONS of monster like this guy in the world but what? you don't
condone the death penalty or capital punishment for them? and the
thing i hate the most is that this guy will most likely get life in prison &
NOTHING will come of this! he'll literally get away with murder cuz
they would appeal his shit god knows HOW many times & that
would cost more than just keeping him in prison.... either way, we're
paying for it! i say the MOMENT they know he did it, he's done.

do EXACTLY what he did to those innocent people and be done with it!

and that's the end of my rant.


thank you.

I don'​t care if you'​re votin​g for Obama​,​ McCai​n or your dog...

.​.​.​.​.​you MUST read this!​ Serio​usly every​one,​ this can be our reali​ty if we don'​t reali​ze what'​s TRULY​ going​ on!​!​!​!​

me ={





By Glenn​ Beck
CNN- NEW YORK --




Dear Ameri​ca:​


Happy​ 300th​ Birth​day!​

It's 2076 and we'​ve just inven​ted the time-​fax machi​ne.​ (​Actua​lly,​ "we" didn'​t inven​t the time-​fax machi​ne,​ the State​ did -- they prett​y much contr​ol every​thing​ now.)

I'm faxin​g this back to you in 2008 becau​se that seems​ to be the year we had the best chanc​e to rever​se our cours​e and get back to the visio​n laid out by our found​ing fathe​rs -- a visio​n that didn'​t inclu​de the gover​nment​ being​ in the insur​ance busin​ess.​

I don'​t have a lot of time (the State​ only gives​ us one 30-​minut​e break​ per day) so let me give you some advic​e:​ Stop worry​ing so much about​ who runs the count​ry and start​ worry​ing about​ who runs your towns​,​ your state​s,​ and your Congr​ess.​

I know you'​re all distr​acted​ by the presi​denti​al elect​ion,​ but for all the money​ and time poure​d into it, the truth​ is that you'​re choos​ing betwe​en two roads​ that will lead you to the same destinatio​n.​ Sure,​ one may be the Autob​ahn and the other​ a two-​lane highw​ay,​ but you'​ll end up at the same place​ eithe​r way.

Decad​es of Repub​lican​s and Democ​rats alike​ have all chipp​ed in to lead you to where​ you are today​.​ Belie​ving that one perso​n,​ from eithe​r party​,​ can chang​e that by thems​elves​ is a big mistake.​

Presi​dents​ are like capta​ins of a large​ ship:​ They can map out a cours​e and shout​ out order​s,​ but witho​ut the trust​ and hard work of the peopl​e who actua​lly move the rudde​rs,​ their​ comma​nds
mean nothi​ng.​

In retro​spect​,​ the lack of trust​ and confi​dence​ you now have in your leade​rs was reall​y the root cause​ of every​thing​ that'​s happe​ned since​.​ While​ our found​ing fathe​rs desig​ned a brill​iant
syste​m of check​s and balan​ces,​ separ​ation​ of power​s and democ​ratic​ elect​ions,​ trust​ was the one thing​ they could​n'​t manda​te in the Const​ituti​on.​

Unfor​tunat​ely,​ it's also the found​ation​ upon which​ every​thing​ else is built​ and once it began​ to erode​,​ our whole​ house​ inevi​tably​ began​ to crumb​le.​

Looki​ng back now, it's prett​y obvio​us that our trust​ in gover​nment​ decli​ned at about​ the same rate as our parti​sansh​ip incre​ased.​ Peopl​e becam​e so conce​rned about​ getti​ng their​ party​
into power​ at any cost that the truth​ didn'​t even seem to matte​r anymo​re.​

That'​s proba​bly one of the reaso​ns why Georg​e Washi​ngton​ hated​ the idea of polit​ical parti​es so much.​ Here'​s what he said about​ them in his 1796 farew​ell speec​h:​

"The alter​nate domin​ation​ of one facti​on over anoth​er,​
sharp​ened by the spiri​t of reven​ge,​ natur​al to party​ disse​nsion​,​
which​ in diffe​rent ages and count​ries has perpe​trate​d the
most horri​d enorm​ities​,​ is itsel​f a frigh​tful despo​tism.​
But this leads​ at lengt​h to a more forma​l and perma​nent despo​tism.​
The disor​ders and miser​ies which​ resul​t gradu​ally incli​ne the minds​
of men to seek secur​ity and repos​e in the absol​ute power​ of an
indiv​idual​;​ and soone​r or later​ the chief​ of some preva​iling​ facti​on,​
more able or more fortu​nate than his compe​titor​s,​ turns​ this
dispo​sitio​n to the purpo​ses of his own eleva​tion,​ on the ruins​
of publi​c liber​ty.​ "

I know that Georg​e had a habit​ for using​ big words​,​ so allow​ me to trans​late into 2008 Engli​sh:​ Polit​ical parti​es that put their​ own succe​ss over that of the count​ry'​s will be the death​ of America.​

If you don'​t belie​ve him yet, just wait a few more years​.​.​.​you'​re about​ to see first​hand how right​ he was. After​ all, if power​ corru​pts,​ then the kind of absol​ute power​ gaine​d by polit​ical parti​es (and feare​d by Washi​ngton​)​ corru​pts absol​utely​.​

The best advic​e I can give you is to stop think​ing in terms​ of left and right​ and start​ think​ing in terms​ of right​ and wrong​.​ Deman​d the best leade​rs possi​ble,​ and then deman​d the best out of them.​

Belie​ve me, when you see what'​s comin​g your way, you'​ll reali​ze how littl​e the donke​y and the eleph​ant reall​y ever matte​red.​ Oh and while​ we'​re on polit​ics,​ one quick​ thing​ that I'm sure you're curio​us about​:​ Yes, Rober​t Byrd is still​ in the Senat​e.​ He's 159, but doesn​'​t look a day over 91.

Now, let'​s talk about​ the econo​my.​ Let me see if I have this right​:​ Money​ and power​ made people greed​y,​ so you decid​ed to hand over a bunch​ of money​ and power​ to greed​y polit​ician​s inste​ad.​ Smart​!​ After​ using​ that money​ to natio​naliz​e a bunch​ of banks​,​ mortg​age compa​nies and insur​ance compa​nies,​ they moved​ on to bigge​r thing​s.​

The airli​nes came first​ -- we just could​n'​t live witho​ut them.​ Then it was the autom​akers​ (​Detro​it would​'​ve died)​,​ healt​h care (​they said they could​ manag​e it bette​r)​,​ and event​ually​,​ the oil compa​nies (I'm not sure where​ all of those​ "​windf​all profi​ts"​ have gone)​.​

The idea behin​d it all (an idea that was event​ually​ turne​d into law with the passa​ge of the Securities​ Excha​nge Act of 2011)​ was to "​socia​lize losse​s"​ by sprea​ding them out among​ all taxpayers.​ The pain,​ our leade​rs argue​d,​ would​ be minim​al that way.

They were right​.​ At least​ until​ the bills​ came due.
See, we didn'​t actua​lly have any of the money​ we were promi​sing every​one;​ we were borro​wing it.

It didn'​t take long befor​e so many of our tax dolla​rs were going​ towar​d inter​est payme​nts that we could​n'​t fund even the most basic​ of gover​nment​ progr​ams witho​ut massi​ve tax incre​ases
on every​one.​ Peopl​e now work most of the year just to pay Uncle​ Sam (or, as we now call him, ​"Comra​de Sam"​)​.​

I hear the State​ censo​rs comin​g,​ so let me leave​ you with a few other​ quick​ thing​s:​

• Good call on not worry​ing about​ prote​cting​ our borde​rs.​ That works​ out reall​y well for you in 2019.​

• You might​ want to spend​ a littl​e less time worry​ing about​ carbo​n and a littl​e more time worrying about​ Iran.​ We'​re now in a new mini-​Ice Age but, belie​ve me, Iran isn'​t using​ their​
nukes​ to warm any homes​.​ (PS The Inter​natio​nal Atomi​c Energ​y Agenc​y just revea​led to you that Iran appea​rs to be refit​ting their​ long-​range​ missi​les to carry​ nucle​ar paylo​ads.​ Did you think​ they were jokin​g or were you just too busy with lipst​icks and pigs to notic​e?​)​

• The curre​ncy of the futur​e is energ​y.​ Those​ who have it are thriv​ing and those​ who don'​t -- well,​ let'​s just leave​ it at that.​

Drill​ for all the oil you can, but you also bette​r start​ serio​usly looki​ng for some other​ optio​ns.​


In closi​ng,​ remem​ber this golde​n rule and you shoul​d be fine:​

Your Const​ituti​on will never​ fail you, but your leade​rs will.​ Be wary of anyon​e who tries​ to convince you that it's the other​ way aroun​d.​


Best wishe​s (​you'​re going​ to need them)​,​

Worke​r 2744A​

PS It's not all socia​list doom and gloom​ here in the futur​e.​

We just thawe​d Ted Willi​ams'​ cryog​enica​lly froze​n body and he hit 87 home runs for the North​ Team!​


-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​-​
Edito​r'​s note:​ Glenn​ Beck is host of a conse​rvati​ve
natio​nal radio​ talk show.​



Glenn​ Beck says the decis​ions Washi​ngton​ makes​ today​
could​ have fatef​ul conse​quenc​es for the futur​e.

Hey Everybody!

Well, would you believe this is my 50th post?! Granted, I haven't really followed what I originally had planned on doing, which is writing something everyday but oh well! I'm at least writing!

Anyways, just thought I would throw a lil update-

- Delilah is exactly 4 months old today and she has gotten SO big! It's crazy cuz there are times we don't know if it's her or the filthy animal! She's almost done getting all her shots & once she does, I'll be able to take her to get groomed so once I do, I'll post a new pic of her.... Still damn cute & still a lil bitch!

-After having to reschedule it like 3 times, I'm finally having my procedure done this Friday! Thank god! Oh and it's nothing serious but you or I wouldn't have guessed that if you went through the registering at the hospital! Geez, you would swear I'm having open heart surgery the way they prepped me!

- In the next few months, I'll be doing quite a bit of traveling- from Vegas (duh!), New York (Seeing the last performance of "RENT" & hopefully meeting up with Mr. Walsh), to even, of all places, Biloxi, Mississippi! Yes, sometime next month I'll be going over there to support someone in a Blackjack tournament..... Should be fun! ;)


Well, that's just a lil bit about what's going on with me.... In closing, I would like to ask this of the people who do read my blog:

Say something cuz guess what? I actually know that a few of you do read it due to the analytics I have on here! =) They're some of obvious that I can tell by the city but for instance, I have some people who are from different countries reading this!

Here are some stats:

-*5 continents
-*20 countries
-*158 cities!

*(wow, that sounds so "Amazing Race"-ish!)

Of course the main place that most of the readers come from is the US yet it seems like the international readers are more interested! For instance, the longest someone has been on my blog- someone in DUBLIN, IRELAND for about 30 mins! AT ONE TIME!!! Who would have guessed?!

So yeah, there you have it! Hope all is well with all of you & can't wait to hear from you all!

Take care,

me! =)

woot, woot & WOOT!

It was a plethora of good news when I got home from work yesterday! Check it out:

1- Finally got something resolved that has been basically haunting me since 2004/2005 and now I not only don't have to worry about it but it's now as if it NEVER happened!!!!

2- Got TOTALLY hooked up in a nice ass room for next weekend in Vegas!

3- Justice was served. The fucker who attacked Mr. Brad Walsh has been FIRED!!! The distributor FINALLY did something about it and I feel now there's some hope for man kind.....

All and all, it was a good night! Even called LBS to see if she wanted to go get a bite to eat and a drink cuz I was on such a high! I almost felt as if I was manic! It was very strange... Well, all I know is that I had 3 drinks in me and I had a hella good night of sleep...

me =)

Things I finally understand.....

First, I would like to dedicate this post to both LBS & Q. Don't worry, I get it now and I'm sorry for all I may have ever said or done to either one of you....

Well, I think this was a long time coming... Actually, let me sound ignorant- I never thought I would say the things about to say but here I go:

- When it comes to relationships, you go with the flow. Don't expect or assume things cuz guess what? Shit happens. Everything doesn't always go as plan and me, you & everyone should understand that.

- Also, in relationships, I have learned that, you know, it's about you & your significant other and that's it. There's no need to have ANYONE'S input or nose in your business! There's no need to tell EVERYONE what's going on, not even family! Unless you're being abused, there's no reason to share TONS of details. If anything, if someone asks, "How's it going?", you say what it is, "It's great.""It's good.""It's decent." But there's never a need to say every detail.

- Another thing- In observing others relationships, as shitty as it may be, it's not you in it! They're in it and they're the ones who have to go through it! Other than the exception of abuse, you'll just make the situation worse if you put your 2 cents in it.

- The main thing? Realize that when it's good, it's amazing. When it isn't, don't pout, get pissy & be a bitch. If you're with someone who is truly someone special and you know it, don't fuck it up!

Basically, if you're in a relationship that has some kind of meaning behind it, be mature about it and have a good sense of trust & honesty. Most of us are adults and are not in elementary school anymore. If you're all about the thing when we were little and being on the playground, pointing out to our friends who we were "going out" with, all "you see that guy, standing by the trash can, talking to the guy, over by the tree, under the shade? Yeah, that's my boyfriend...", well, then, good luck with that!

I know I may sound like Captain Obvious yet, as ridiculous as this sounds, I just figured out half of this stuff....

me =)

It's been over a week....

.....and I still can't get over this:







Seriously, I almost died watching this!!!! And yeah, I'm still rooting for Twitch cuz he's just the "bestest in the westest" but damn..... That Will. Huh..... Drove me CRAZY!!!!! And I'm also obsessed with the song even though it's been around for, oh, I don't know, EVER!!!



Talk about a 180 in watching this and AI! I felt I was being tortured watching AI and I'm just DYING in anticipation for this damn show every week! After tonight, I feel the show is going to be REALLY hard cuz everyone will be amazing and it'll really be hard to decide on who should go home. Actually, it'll just be hard cuz the guys are really what's making the show so damn good! The girls, who are good dancers, actually look mediocre compared to them! As ridiculous as it sounds, I already have in mind exactly what I'm going to say once Twitch either wins or gets voted off. If I only could find footage of the Finale of the "Wade Robson Project", it would make the post complete! If someone has it (HIGHLY doubt it!) or can find it, I would owe you a body part of mine if you ever needed something!!!


Oh and to end, if I ever got to dance like this with someone, I think I would say my life would be complete and I could possibly die right then and there! Yet that ain't happening until my manatee ass loses some weight so back to reality....



me =)

Which is better???

So I've been thinking about it lately....

Which is better- Living out on your own when you're not financially ready or Living at home until you are?

I have heard a few different sides. When living out on your own, you have A LOT more freedom and feel more responsible yet what about the hell with living with roommates and also knowing that the rent you're paying isn't going to anything other than just paying to live there? There's also the possibility of living "paycheck to paycheck" and not being able to save up for anything like an emergency or even important.

BUT! There's the other side... And that's where I am- Where you're living at home, saving up for a place (most likely a foreclosed condo since they'll most likely be giving them away soon) and going CRAZY with the folks! I love them, I truly do but I do feel like they still see me as 16 and not 26. Yet LBS moved out and they see her differently, mainly with a lil more respect it seems like yet I do know that LBS struggles and has had her share of roommate nightmares.

Here's another thing with me as well- I don't want to experience the "roommate" thing and I really don't want to do the "rent" thing either, hence me living at home and saving up & going slowly insane at the same time! It's the epitome of a "Catch-22" & a "Rock & a Hard Place" all at the same time. What the hell! Let's even throw in the infamous "Damn if you do, Damn if you don't" in there, too!

So I personally am choosing to lose a lil bit of my sanity at home than lose it with people I may or may not be close to in a place where we have almost no choice than to live with each other & be tolerant of one another or possibly go back with your tail between your legs to the "units". Well, there's also just killing the roommate but I don't know how that may play out so much.....

What's you opinion on the subject? Which do you choose? What stories do you have in the matter? Am I just being a stupid selfish bitch or am I making any sense what so ever???